Everything happens for a reason and in His Perfect Timing

I haven't posted to my blog in a long time, but I feel that it is something that I should begin doing again.

So many things have happened in the last year in our lives yet so much has remained the same.

In January of 2013 we made the decision to pursue foster/adoption through our County's DHR program. We went through the GPS classes & all that entails. After completing 80% of the process we had to put things on hold. Once again financial strains limited us from being able to move forward with our dream to become parents. In the world that we live in these days, everyone is struggling, most are living pay check to pay check and it takes everything they have to make ends meet. In combination with some risky chances we took, poor financial decisions among other things we lost our home in October of 2013 to foreclosure. We knew that it was coming and made the decision to put our dream on hold for a little longer.

We packed up all the things from our first home that we had ever purchased and moved into a townhouse close by. Most of our friends and family weren't told about our hard times. Mostly from shame and embarrassment, and to protect ourselves from judgment that we knew would surely come our way.

I went through (and still struggle) with depression and anxiety. I have struggled with the both for a large part of my life, but it has always been manageable. With the heartache of another failed attempt to become a mother, losing our home, and also my car, security, stability, etc. I hit rock bottom.

Instead to lashing out, I withdrew myself from the world. Throwing myself into work and not much else. I wanted to wallow in my own self pity.

In addition to my personal life falling to pieces, I wasn't happy with my career. The negatives outweighed the positives to the job, and the truth was I was burnt out and had been for a long time. An opportunity presented itself to me, and after much prayer and speaking with family and friends, I decided that I (we) had to take a step of faith, and know that God was opening this door for us. The day that I turned in my 2 week notice was the day that we received Brad's letter from Honda saying that they were considering him for a permanent associate position. After two long years, of struggling financially, battling with the choices that we made, everything was coming back together.

Since January, I feel that my this aching in my chest is not quite as overwhelming. My faith has been restored and I know that faith is not supposed to be like that, but I think in our case God knew what we needed.

Everyday is a challenge. To get up and decide am I gonna feel sorry for myself and what I have lost or am I gonna look to the future at what I could gain. Most days I try to look forward, but there are days when I can't help but look back.

I have faith that God is completely in control and I know that big things are coming to us this year.

Everything happens for a reason and in His perfect timing.

One day (I believe soon) I will be a mother. I have waited 7 long years, and maybe will have to wait 7 more, but I know in my heart that God has a reason.