It’s so hard to believe that we are fastly approaching the end to another year. When I started this blog I was so sure that I would be finishing the year with exciting news of welcoming our first baby. Sadly that is not how we are ending this year. I have really been dealing with that lately. I have been thinking a lot lately about why God would give me the desire to be a mother, but not actually be able to do that. To live a life feeling unfulfilled or only half complete is no way to live. Don’t get me wrong, my life is full of good things. My life is full of love, and friendship and family and I am very fortunate. I know that God has this plan for my life. One that I don’t understand right now, and that plan is perfect. I know that I finish this year, a little stronger, a littler wiser, and a little more patient (not a whole lot more, but I’m making some progress). These are the things that God wants me to grow in. He wants me to become a stronger Christian, A stronger wife, a stronger friend, maybe He’s preparing me for the day when I actually do become a mother. He wants me to be more patient. Not just with big things like this, but with the little things. God allows these obstacles in our lives, not as punishment but as tools to help us grow as stronger, more faithful, and more patient believers and followers of Christ. I believe that this next year is going to bring many changes in my life, and the lives of those around me. I would like to spend the next year not stressing about pregnancy or what to do next. I would like to just focus on myself and becoming healthier & more confident. I have to say that I don’t regret any decisions that I have made because it has all brought me to this point, but I might have done a few things differently along the way.
Christmas Day was pretty rough for me this year (holidays are always rough). I spent a lot of the day stuck in my own head, trying to distract myself and just ended up distancing myself from everyone. I guess I am not as good at hiding my feelings as I would like to think that I am. Anyways, we went over to watch my niece & nephew open presents Christmas morning. I think being present for that really helped. My brother sent me this later that night, and it meant a lot to me.
There won't always be 2, soon our father will make that one special dream come true. All the pain, the heartache, the tears that you've cried, will soon be replaced with joy and pride. Your heart will soon grow, it will double in size, for there is no love greater than the love for your child. It won't always be two, soon your house will grow, no longer quite, late nights, no sleep, the pitter patter of little feet. A mothers journey begins, her life will soon change, for all that she knows will be rearranged. Nothing else will matter, nothing else will compare to that little heart beating, to the love that you share. When the time comes all else fades away, you'll thank the lord above every single day. There won't always be two, maybe three or four, after the first I pray there are more. Until your heart is content and your family has grown, I'll pray every day till you bring your child home. For my baby sister. I love you and wish for nothing but your happiness
