Sometimes it’s hard to focus on the things that we are blessed with and not focus on what we don’t have. I am learning that you have to keep your mind of the positive and not the negative and I admit sometimes I guess I wallow too much in my own pity and not understand why, why, why. I don’t have to understand why right now, I just have to know that He Is and He will. I think that I may forget sometimes how blessed I really am. Thanking God for his many blessings and truly feeling in your heart that He has blessed you, goes a long way. Every morning as I’m driving on my way to work I talk to God and thank Him for my many blessings and for giving me this day to live when He didn’t have to. Some days I have to admit that even though those words come out of my mouth, I may not really acknowledge those things. I know that I can take people and things for granted always thinking they are gonna be there but nothing and no one is promised tomorrow. I want to stop living in my own depressed state of why God why, Please God please, me, me, me, me, me. What about God’s plan, What about God’s Will. He has the perfect plan for me and though I struggle with what that plan is, I know in time He will reveal that to me. One of the hardest things about our struggle is waiting. I feel by sitting here and not going to the doctor & pushing and struggling to get pregnant that I am doing nothing. Sometimes it just takes doing nothing & giving it to God for something to happen. A co-worker & friend gave me this morning devotional this morning and it spoke to me and the way that I have been feeling. Here is a portion of what it read:
“We often equate “wait” with “waste”. If we’re waiting for something or someone, we think we are doing nothing, which, in an accomplishment-crazed culture, seems like a waste of time. By waiting serves many purposes. In Particular, it proves our faith. Those whose faith is weak are often the first to give up waiting, while those with strongest faith are willing to wait indefinitely. Not receiving an immediate answer to prayer is no reason to give up faith.” So, by waiting its not doing nothing its just waiting on for God’s plan to come together. I definitely have struggled with faith and everything else I think that I could possibly struggle with, but I am kind of starting to feel like maybe I am coming out of the other side and it has made me stronger. I have to push myself each day so that I don’t lose myself in all of this because I definitely have become a little lost. I feel like I am just sitting in the same place & life is passing me by. I have to enjoy the life that God has given me, and focus on the good things and not the bad. Easier said than done, but atleast I can say that I am trying. My struggle is not to just have a baby and be a mother and do all the things that I have imagined doing, but also to find my purpose in this life. I think in having a baby I felt that I would feel like I was living a full life with purpose and meaning and without that I am not quite sure where I should be or who I am.
